


even if you're holding someone else's hand

by hyejoo_slay



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: 2kim, Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, chaewon has a bf, fluff for like 5 seconds, how do i do this, like really heavy honestly, minju is so sad yall, she gotta get tf over it honestly, shes mad but she wants to keep it in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:53:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28624407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyejoo_slay/pseuds/hyejoo_slay
Summary: This is very slightly inspired by Don’t Forget by Crush (ft. Taeyonce)This is entirely minjus pov
Relationships: Kim Chaewon (IZONE)/Kim Minju
Kudos: 40





	even if you're holding someone else's hand

**Author's Note:**

> This is very slightly inspired by Don’t Forget by Crush (ft. Taeyonce)  
> This is entirely minjus pov

Sometimes you have to keep yourself from bursting into tears when you see her with Juyeon. It sounds ridiculous, possessive, pathetic, selfish. 

At first it seemed so casual. Chaewon and Juyeon. You remember her talking about first meeting him in Biology class. Always joking around and getting partnered up for activities. Whenever anyone brought him up, she told them they were just friends. But a few weeks later she started dating him. You didn’t think they would last too long, but overtime, you saw how everything changed. You realized that maybe Chaewon really did love him. 

The smiles she gave him were different than the ones she gave anyone else. The ones for him were brighter, bigger, more natural, more pronounced. Her laughing fits lasted longer too, whenever he was joking around with her. 

Everytime Chaewon looked at Juyeon, her eyes softened and glistened with so much passion. So much love and affection. Anytime he was around, her chest rose instantly. You knew that cause you were always looking at her. 

Chaewon started hanging out with you less and less too. Cancelling your frequent sleepovers, eating lunch with Juyeon instead of your usual friend group, leaving school with him instead of you. 

You weren't mad of course. At least not in the beginning. It’s expected since he’s her boyfriend after all. But how could you not be jealous? He was able to make her happier in ways that you couldn’t.

And soon, you were spending hours late at night, deep into your thoughts just thinking about Chaewon. Every single night, you came to the conclusion that it was all your fault. And in most ways it is. 

It  _ is  _ ridiculous. How you saw this coming, but never really thought about it too much. How she would eventually find someone if you waited too long. Even then it seemed like such a far-off idea. 

So when she told you that she was dating him, you felt like your heart shattered into a million pieces. Your stomach dropped, the air was knocked out of your lungs, you could barely even breathe. You were disappointed.

Not in her, but yourself. You were too late, too naive. Because you always thought it’d just be you and her. Chaewon and Minju. Even with your other friends around, both of you had known each other longer, so obviously you guys had a stronger bond. 

But you were living in your own fantasies. You should’ve known better and told her sooner. Told her that  _ I love you _ . Mustered up the courage and spit it out already. You were too much of a coward before all of this happened. 

It’s so cliché, but you were afraid of ruining your friendship with Chaewon. You kept thinking of all the possibilities. 

What if she rejects you and stops talking to you, ignores you, never looks you in the eyes again, never comes near you anymore, never mentions your name again? But then what if she accepts it? You don’t know what would happen after that. 

But there are no what-ifs anymore. Chaewon is dating someone else. She already found someone else. You have to see her with Juyeon everyday and just deal with it. 

You got used to it after the first month. But you don’t think you ever really accepted it, though. 

Everytime the couple acted intimate in front of you, you just tried to stay expressionless. Ignoring it as if there wasn’t a huge feeling of burning in your chest. All the hugs, kisses, playful teasing, sappy texts and calls. Every time he put his arms around her waist or neck. You think all of it was just eating you from the inside out. Churning your stomach, punching you in the gut. Tears welling up in your eyes while trying to sleep because you couldn’t stop thinking of Chaewon with Juyeon. 

For once, you’re thankful that you’re not good at naturally showing your emotions. Because all you felt was pure sadness and heartbreak. Even when he wasn’t around her, even when you were alone, even when you were with your family, even if you were just with Chaewon. He’s her priority now. And as much as you hate to see them together, you’re happy that he at least seems to be treating her right. You are  _ very  _ happy for Chaewon. 

But after a fight they had, Chaewon came straight to you. 

A familiar ringtone blasting from your phone at 2 in the morning. You were so burned out from all the exams that day. Your blurry eyes could barely register any words on the screen, but you answered immediately once you saw it was Chaewon. You heard her crying her eyes out through the call before you could even ask what was wrong. Your heart ached so badly just imagining her like that. You tried your best to comfort her, trying to ask where she was, what was happening but all she did was mumble through her sobs. The static and crackling through the phone made it even worse. Eventually, you gave up and tried to get her to calm down until you heard a knock at your door 10 minutes later.

* * *

Chaewon was leaning on the door frame. You could sense a quiver in her words when she spoke. Tears staining her red face, with some still peeking out at the corner of her eye. Her hair was disheveled, and her make-up was still on. Her usual bright smile was replaced with a frown. Only wearing a sweater and leggings to combat the harsh weather. She looked miserable, distressed, desolate, vulnerable, unaware of everything else around her. 

“I’m sorry I woke you up so late. I don’t wanna bother you too much—but I just... you’re really the only person I-I-I need right now…” 

_ You’ll always have me. You’ll never be a bother to me. Don’t apologize. If you’re hurt, just tell me and I’ll come running to you. Every time. _

“No, no, it’s ok just come inside.” Frantically shaking your head, you grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her inside your house. 

“Is it Juyeon?” you asked while biting the inside of your cheek. 

_ Did he hurt you…? _

Juyeon was a nice guy, you never actually hated him as a person. But you swear on your life, if he ever did anything bad to Chaewon, or hurt her in any way, even just a little bit...

Chaewon looked down and nodded. More tears started flowing down her face and she quickly wiped them off with the sleeve of her sweater.

“Minju…” Chaewon choked out. She sniffled a little and looked at you while continuously wiping her eyes. Her mouth opened again to say something, but you just shook your head, quickly pulling her into a hug, running your arm up and down her back. Her body was freezing, so light, almost fragile. It felt like she could collapse at any moment. You stayed like that for a few minutes before pulling away and dragging her back to your room. Along the way, you still heard quiet sniffles and choked sobs behind you.

Chaewon got into bed immediately and you followed after quickly throwing a few things out of the way. 

Wrapping her arms around you and burying herself into your neck as if nothing had changed. Just like the old days. When you guys would have sleepovers every Friday, binge-watching random shows and movies on Netflix. 

You remember watching  _ The Kissing Booth  _ together, cringing at the unrealistic, overdramatic storyline. Stocking up on food and eating all of it by midnight. 

Most of those things stopped after she started dating him. Instead, she would spend her free days on theater dates or dinners with Juyeon.

On those types of nights, she would hug you exactly like she’s doing right now. Your heart would start beating out of your chest, and all your worries would disappear. She would just lay her forehead on your neck, talking about every little thing that came to mind until both of you fell asleep. Light breathing and occasional snores. 

But tonight, her breathing is erratic, shaky, heavy. Chaewon’s body still feels cold, despite being covered in multiple blankets. Her sniffling hasn’t stopped. The skin on your neck where she’s resting feels damp. Her arms around you are still hesitant and loose. 

It’s almost similar to the nights where you would cry about your feelings for her. All the nights where you would long for her warmth, not just as her best friend. But now is not the time for that. Right now, you want to assure her that you’re here for her. 

You pull Chaewon in by the waist. Softly carding your fingers through her hair. You hold her tighter, and your heart beats a little faster. 

“Breathe, just go steady, ok? Try to think about something else. You’ll be ok. Whatever it is, you’ll be alright.”

You try to think of any happy memories that could cheer her up. 

“Remember when we would stop by the city while walking home from school? We always bought snacks and ate them on the bench near the fountain,”

It was so busy in that area every time you went there with her. Even then, your long conversations made it seem like you were the only people there. It was a peaceful place for you. Connected to your best memories with Chaewon. 

“One time there was a guitar player sitting a little farther away from us. He was singing  _ Don’t Forget,  _ and you quietly sang along too. Some people kept looking at us weirdly, so I kept teasing you and telling you to stop, but... your voice sounded beautiful, like something straight out of a fairytale. You know how I always love to hear your singing. We always had the best times there. And… on some days we would just stay there until your mom kept calling for you to come home. We would watch all the people pass by, judging every couple, family, or normal person. And then we’d watch the sunset sometimes too. It was so calming and peaceful. I think that’s why I love— that place so much.”

_ I think that’s why I love you so much. _

You finish and your eyes are a bit watery. You haven’t been there with Chaewon in a while. In three months and sixteen days, to be exact. She chuckles lightly and sniffles, but she doesn’t say a word, and you really don’t expect her to. Slowly, you feel her arms around your neck wrap tighter. She pulls you even closer, her breathing becoming more steady, lighter. She feels warmer now. You can feel her eyes flutter shut against your neck. 

And in that moment, it feels like she’s finally yours. That Chaewon finally chose you. Curled up, legs tangled, on your bed, in your room, holding each other as tight as you can. Reminiscing old memories. Feeling all of her. All of her warmth. Like you’re more than friends. Like she feels the same way as you. 

But that’s not what it is. Chaewon is having boy troubles and you’re just comforting her. You’re just here to make her feel better, to help her through this rough patch with her boyfriend. They’ll make up by next week. Chaewon will go back to being with Juyeon all the time and forgetting about you. She’ll go back to walking alongside him in the hallway instead of you. She’ll go back to walking home with him instead of you. She’ll go back to laughing endlessly at his stupid jokes during lunch. And she will keep looking at him the way you want her to look at you. With so much love, adoration, fondness, and endearment. 

Chaewon isn’t yours to hold, kiss, hug, or touch like he does. She isn’t yours to send sappy texts to. She isn’t yours to stay on the phone with until she falls asleep. She isn’t yours to sneak out and take on spontaneous adventures around the city. 

She isn’t yours to  _ love _ . 

_ Even though I might never have you, I’ll still hold onto this feeling. I’ll still take care of you to the best of my ability. I’ll still be there for you whenever you need me, even if I’m not your first choice. Even if you’re holding someone else’s hand. _

_ Maybe one day you’ll feel the same. So I could hold you exactly like this and finally drown in this feeling.  _

And suddenly you’re in a tired daze. You feel dizzy. Your head is spinning with thousands of thoughts and memories. Tears are threatening to spill from your eyes at any moment. 

“Chaewon,”

“Hmm.” She softly hums into your neck.

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

She plants a kiss on the skin of your neck and then another one on your jawline. Then she closes her eyes again and drifts into sleep. 

You don’t know what to think of it. 


End file.
